Sensibly, he opts for the folding stool, repeatedly battering the robber with it until the baddie realises that there’s nothing to be gained and turns on his idiotic heels. Good work ‘Admiral’!!!

So what have they done? Well, sounding like something from an Isaac Asimov story, they’ve developed something called the Knowledge Graph, which Google say is a ‘more human’ search function offering answers without you having to go elsewhere online.

This new feature, which will launch in the US first, adds boxes of Wikipedia-esque information to the search results page. Google’s Amit Singhal explains: ”Language can be ambiguous-do you mean Taj Mahal the monument, or Taj Mahal the musician? [In Knowledge Graph we can] click on one of the links to see that particular slice of results.”

“This is one way it makes Google Search more intelligent – your results are more relevant because we understand these entities, and the nuances in their meaning, the way you do. For example, some of the most serendipitous discoveries I’ve made using the Knowledge Graph are through the magical ‘people also search for’ feature. One of my favorite books is The White Tiger, the debut novel by Aravind Adiga, which won the prestigious Man Booker Prize. Using the Knowledge Graph, I discovered three other books that had won the same prize and one that won the Pulitzer.”

There’s no specific launch date yet.

It’s a 6v electric go-kart and even though it only does speeds of up to and including TWO MILES PER HOUR, we still managed to successfully career it straight into the office watercooler, which in turn landed on what looked like some very expensive electronic equipment that someone had foolishly left lying around. Never mind eh – what’s really important is that the go-kart was reduced from £199.99 to the slightly-more-Satanic price of £66.66. Zoom! Roar! Whizz! Crash bang wallop!

WAIT! THERE’S MORE…..!!!

• Rage Anarchy Edition (Xbox360) – just £8.99.

•  Switch to First Direct and get £125.

•  10-pack of Duracell AAA Procell alkaline batteries – just £1.98 delivered.

• Rocky Horror Picture Show (Blu-ray) – only £5.95.

•  Talking Freeview box for visually-impaired – just £24.00 delivered.

• Nikon Coolpix 14MP camera – yours for £39.

•  TRX leather cricket ball – only £1.00.

• Fender Squier Bullet Stratocaster guitar – only £95.99 delivered.

• 32GB USB 2.0 flash/key drive – just £11.69.

• An American Werewolf In London: Universal 100th Anniversary Edition (Exclusive Steelbook Blu-ray) – only £9.99 (pre-order)

All those and more can be found over at HotUKDeals…

Sounds a nice idea, and that is exactly what one Robert Fitzpatrick from Essex did. He owed his accountant £804, and turned up at his house with five boxes of 1p 2p and 5p coins, weighing over 25 and a half stone to settle his debt.

Unfortunately, it was the accountant who has been left with a smile on his face. 1p and 2p coins, according to the Royal Mint, are only legal tender for sums of up to 20p, and once you have collected 21 or more 1p pieces, your coins contravene the Coinage Act 1971 if used in a single transaction. Smarty pants accountant Philip Lawrence consequently sued Fitzpatrick for non-payment of a debt. And won. Mr Fitzpatrick has now been ordered to pay a total of £1,118.62 including interest in settlement.

So what does this mean for your coin jar? Basically, you cannot be sued for non-payment if you have used legal tender, but this does not mean that retailers and service providers cannot or will not accept the money, although they are within their rights to do so. Amounts of up to £5 can be paid in 5p or 10p coins, or up to £10 in 50p and 20p pieces. Should be alright to pay for Michael Owen in change then. Pound coins and notes are legal tender up to any amount, provided you are in England or Wales- English notes are not legal tender in Scotland or Northern Ireland.

In this case, the accountant really was laughing all the way to the bank, as on top of the settlement he has reportedly also still got the thousands of coins originally delivered. Still, perhaps Mr Fitzpatrick will settle his court bill with 1089 £1 coins, 20 50p pieces, 50 20p pieces, 43 10p pieces and 100 5p pieces, 6 2p pieces and 20 1p pieces…

[Daily Mail]

Apparently, 945,000 households that use signal amplifiers, as well as 953,000 households that rely on communal aerials, could be affected when the mobile operators finally pull their fingers out and give the rest of us that lovely, lovely 4G.

For these TV gawpers, the thing that works in their favour is that the Ofcom auction of radio spectrum licences is being delayed by a variety of legal troubles. Once they get it all sorted, they’ll have to pay for the interference they cause.

Regarding all 4G problems, a new independent watchdog has been founded called MitCo and they’ll get funding from mobile operators and then buy and install filters in homes.

The Voice of the Listener and Viewer has called the plans “a major threat to the principle of universal provision in public service broadcasting”. ”These proposals to sell spectrum to mobile phone operators in order to raise millions for the Treasury could remove the option of free-to-air television from millions of viewers,” said spokeswoman Sophie Chalk (daughter of Charlie).

“This runs completely against the UK’s system of public service broadcasting whereby there is universal access for all citizens to programmes made by the main terrestrial channels. It is an outrage.”

It’s being trialled in their state-of-the-art venue in Milton Keynes (naturally) and hungry punters can give their order, have their food brought to them and settle the bill without once getting up off their fat arses. Just like in a ‘proper’ ‘restaurant’. Thrilling stuff.

Their chief executive Jill McDonald says: “McDonalds has always been about convenience. We want to understand if table service is what people want.” The Milton Keynes store, which we don’t believe even exists, has sofas, extendable tables, banks of iPads and projectors that beam magic tricks to entertain the younglings. Not only THAT, but there’s private meeting rooms with boardroom tables for ‘business customers’.

The future’s bright. The future’s McDonalds. Or something.

What’s more, they seem to have tried to infuse the whole thing with some ‘class’ by ripping off an iconic scene from The Big Lebowski in the hope that they won’t be shamed all round by their disgusting use of what we can only describe as ‘boobs’ in their dismal attempt to flog cars.

Watch at your peril…

The entire Birthdays chain, which is owned by Clinton, is to be scrapped as part of the closure programme with administrators Zolfo Cooper saying that “ the business is burdened with an untenable retail estate”.

It remains to be seen whether a buyer can be found for the remainder of the chain, which was thrown into administration after it defaulted on loans to supplier American Greetings earlier in the month.

Clintons Bill and George were unavailable for comment.

The “fat tax” bandwagon is rolling around again, with members of the Department of Public Health in Oxford suggesting a 20% tax could lead to a drop in obesity-related diseases.

As reported in the British Medical Journal, Dr Oliver Mytton and Dr Mike Rayner claim poor diets in the UK must be tackled, and suggest taxation is one way of achieving this aim. They estimate that taxing sugary drinks at this rate could cut up to 2,700 heart disease deaths a year.

Dr Rayner said “obesity has rocketed recently and if anything our diet is getting worse. We need to take steps to tackle this problem as a nation. It’s affecting our health and it’s affecting our wallets through the increased burden on the NHS and the taxpayer.

“David Cameron said that he wanted to look at fat taxes last October. He should now commission an independent review of the existing evidence that looks at the options for taxing unhealthy foods. It is basic economic theory that raising the price will change consumption, and we already use the taxation system in this way to influence behaviour” he finished.

The research team claims government intervention by way of taxation can be justified when the market fails to provide the ‘optimum’ good for society’s well-being, citing the duties on alcohol and tobacco as a prime example. “We have taxes on unhealthy goods such as tobacco and alcohol. And we don’t have taxes on books as they can be seen as a public good to be encouraged.” Clearly someone ought to tell them that most people don’t actually eat books.

The research also suggests changing VAT to ‘penalise’ unhealthy foods with the 20% levy. In certain circumstances this is already the case- chocolate items are standard rated for VAT while bread is not- but using VAT in this way would be clumsy and likely to cause problems. Just look at the poor pasty-munchers.

However, Dr Rayner does not advocate a tax on saturated fat, as has previously been mooted, and as adopted by Denmark last year. He claims that, by avoiding foods high in saturated fat, people might replace them with foods high in carbohydrates – and these foods tend to also be high in salt. The overall effect on health might be negative. With a soft drink tax, people would most likely lead to people swapping to low calorie or sugar free drinks, which, he claims, would still be “beneficial for health”. At least until someone decides that aspartame is bad for you. Oh, wait…

So what do you think? Is the Scottish alcohol levy the first step on a slippery Nanny State slope of Government-approved imbibing? Would a fizzy drink tax work? Surely it is the takeaways, fry-ups and ready meals causing the nation’s obesity issue rather than the can they swill it down with. Besides who are the Government to tell us what we can or can’t drink?

A young lad, using the internet

Mysterious, clandestine mystery shoppers have carried out a test or two at the behest of Ofcom, so we can all find out about the way ISPs are going about their broadband business.

The findings show that providers aren’t very good at informing us about our broadband speeds. Of course, some are pretty upfront about the maximum and minimum speeds, but some are dropping the internet-shaped ball somewhat.

The worst offenders are TalkTalk and BT who are offering customers little more than an estimate speed without prompting from the customer. This is obviously awful behaviour and we should bring back hanging. Other providers guilty of this behaviour were Karoo, Sky and Plusnet.

Naturally, the problem here is that there’s usually quite a big difference between actual speeds and those estimated. This is all part of the problem with offering speeds of ‘up to…’ and campaigners are trying to get this sorted out. It goes without saying that there’s loads of reasons why we all get differing broadband speeds, such as the distance a user lives from the exchange.

Either way, changes are afoot. Both TalkTalk and BT have agreed to change their processes.

“We strongly support the Ofcom speed code of practice and ensure that anyone who buys BT broadband gets a personalised speed quote before they are committed to purchase,” said a BT spokesman. ”Ofcom has suggested we should make a minor change to mention the speed quote earlier in the sales conversation, which we are happy to do and will implement straight away.”

Ofcom have noted that; “It is vital that as the choice of broadband services expands, UK consumers get the best possible information when choosing a broadband provider.” But can they do enough to stop ISPs acting like fibbing berks? We’ll have to wait and see.

But your console doesn’t have to feel all sad on the inside – right now you can fill its guts and brains up with a load of great games (and probably some crappy ones too) in the Xbox Marketplace half price sale. Hoover up titles like Iron Brigade, Orcs Must Die, Fusion, Trails HD, Worms Ultimate Mayhem as well as some nice DLC stuff for games like Gears Of War 3, Halo Reach and Forza 4. You’ll probably find that your console will develop a smiley face and emit a weak ‘thank you sir/madam’ in the voice of Gates.

WAIT! THERE’S MORE…!!!

• 64gb USB 3.0 memory stick – only £24.99.

•  Another 2p knocked off the price of petrol and diesel.

•  Four-person tent – only £16.00.

• Plants vs Zombies (PC/Mac) – only £1.75.

• i-Can Easy HD 2851T Freeview set top box – just £29.99 delivered.

• Uncharted 3 GOTY Edition – pre-order for £24.95.

• Sandisk Extreme 240gb SSD – yours for £159.98.

•  36 lavender plants for only £4.90.

• Max Payne 3 (Xbox/PS3) – only £29.99.

• X-Men 3 The Last Stand (Blu-ray) – just £3.83.

• 7″ Android 4 ultra-thin tablet PC – 8GB – only £76.49 delivered.

• Xbox Live 12-month Gold membership – yours for £25.99.

• Sony PlayStation Vita (Wi-fi & 3G) with £5.00 top up and Wipeout 2048 – only £190.00.

All those and more can be found over at HotUKDeals…

The authority upheld complaints saying that the advert was offensive and condoned and encouraged harmful discriminatory behaviour towards the transgender community. “The suggestion that trans people could be segregated into the gender stereotypes ’stallions’ and ‘mares’ as part of a guessing game, trivialised a complex and difficult issue and objectified them in a way that was likely to cause them serious offence,” said the ASA.

Paddy Power claim that they got in touch with the Beaumont Society, which they thought were biggest and longest established transgender support group in the UK, to make sure the commercial didn’t cause offence. As a result of the ban, the bookies said that they didn’t intend to cause offence and were “saddened” to learn that viewers were offended by the ad.

So, in your nicest handwriting, in the box below, tell us which is the company that you swear you will never use again, even if hell freezes over or if you’ve got your arm trapped under a rock and they’re the only ones that can release you.

TELL US NOW!

‘I just invented the strapless watch’ says professional body piercer Dave Hurban, possibly with a big dopey look on his face. But how did he do it? Why, he mapped out the four corners of his iPod on his skin and then inserted four titanium studs into his arm. After the skin had healed, Dave was able to magnetically fix the iPod on his wrist, making him the best man in the world or something.

Look – there’s even a YouTube video that shows you how to do it (although it probably isn’t for the squeamish among you). Dave Hurban – crazy name, crazy guy.